For those of you following along at home, my original words were:
In my own life, I've found that good relationships don't require anything that feels like work. Good relationships certainly require time and attention and communication and all that jazz, but I find that when my partner and I are compatible to begin with, those things require no significant effort.
When we discussed it, my husband phrased it slightly differently, saying that relationships certainly require effort, but in a good relationship, that effort is not onerous.
To answer your question, I think that for me, if there's something else I'd rather be doing, then what I'm currently doing is probably work. Additionally, even when I'm doing what I most want to be doing, it could be work if I'm doing it for the benefit of a person or group other than a close friend or family member.
So if what I most want to be doing is resolving a issue with my partner, then it's not work to me. And since in good relationships, I generally want to resolve issues as quickly as is practical, I don't usually find that conflict resolution feels like work to me.
Whereas if I decide to spend the afternoon doing something enjoyable for an organization I'm involved with, it still feels like work because I'm doing it for the benefit of the organization or the people it serves.
I had originally been going to say that even if there's something I'd rather be doing, what I'm currently doing might not be work if I'm doing it for the benefit of a close friend or family member, but I'm actually not so sure that's true, depending on how I think about "would rather be doing." There are certainly times when I do things that wouldn't originally have been my first choice of how to spend my time, yet I don't wind up feeling that they are work. I think that may be because those things are so clearly the right thing to do, I'm unable to imagine doing anything else with my time at that moment.
Driving to the airport at 5 am is certainly not usually on my list of "things I'd like to be doing," but if a close friend or family member needs to get to the airport early in the morning, I can't think of anything I'd rather be doing than taking them there, and it certainly doesn't feel like work.
no subject
In my own life, I've found that good relationships don't require anything that feels like work. Good relationships certainly require time and attention and communication and all that jazz, but I find that when my partner and I are compatible to begin with, those things require no significant effort.
When we discussed it, my husband phrased it slightly differently, saying that relationships certainly require effort, but in a good relationship, that effort is not onerous.
To answer your question, I think that for me, if there's something else I'd rather be doing, then what I'm currently doing is probably work. Additionally, even when I'm doing what I most want to be doing, it could be work if I'm doing it for the benefit of a person or group other than a close friend or family member.
So if what I most want to be doing is resolving a issue with my partner, then it's not work to me. And since in good relationships, I generally want to resolve issues as quickly as is practical, I don't usually find that conflict resolution feels like work to me.
Whereas if I decide to spend the afternoon doing something enjoyable for an organization I'm involved with, it still feels like work because I'm doing it for the benefit of the organization or the people it serves.
I had originally been going to say that even if there's something I'd rather be doing, what I'm currently doing might not be work if I'm doing it for the benefit of a close friend or family member, but I'm actually not so sure that's true, depending on how I think about "would rather be doing." There are certainly times when I do things that wouldn't originally have been my first choice of how to spend my time, yet I don't wind up feeling that they are work. I think that may be because those things are so clearly the right thing to do, I'm unable to imagine doing anything else with my time at that moment.
Driving to the airport at 5 am is certainly not usually on my list of "things I'd like to be doing," but if a close friend or family member needs to get to the airport early in the morning, I can't think of anything I'd rather be doing than taking them there, and it certainly doesn't feel like work.