Self-Esteem in High Places

[lillibet]

Here's the LA Times article that caught my eye this morning that suggests we may have done too good a job encouraging self-esteem in our children, to the point that narcissism is possibly a problem among college-aged youth.

Thoughts?

Comments

[androidqueen.livejournal.com]

i definitely feel like i meet a lot of young people who have a strong sense of entitlement, but i think that's a different thing than narcissism, though the article seems to conflate the two. thanks for helping me figure out my thoughts! :)

i mean, it's one thing to think "i am so great!" and quite another to think "the world should give me everything i want."

Lake Wobegon, where all the children are above average

[ayelle.livejournal.com]

Oh, that is an important distinction, thanks. I found myself wanting to agree with the article, and yet I know there's a good chance that I'd answer questions like "I think I am a special person" with a "yes," too, and I don't know that that makes me narcissitic.

But assumptions of entitlement -- oh god. I went to an Ivy, one of the less snobbish ones as it happens, and still huge egos and a smug sense of entitlement characterized a significant percentage of the student body. I saw it in my (well-off white-collar, suburban) high school as well. I'd assumed it was largely a class thing, though...

At 27 I think I fall in between X and Y (I forget what years are what) and I could see things from my own experience that might support their conclusions. Obviously anecdotal evidence is not proof, but the article really reminded me of the sea change that took place in my junior high between 7th and 8th grades, when a new principal took over the school. One of his stated goals was to "improve grades and serve the needs of every child." Which would be great, but...

All of a sudden, I was allowed to test out of some of my extracurriculars (like typing) and get free periods, because I was just that special; we were all required to take a Self-Esteem Class (I was taught to Like Myself Just the Way I Am... I got an A); and at the end of the year we had an Awards Night in which just about every student in the entire school got an award of one kind or another.

And that was just the first year of his reign. I look back on the free periods as a plus and the Self-Esteem class as a minus, and do remember getting lots of awards that year. Academically, I think I escaped largely unscathed... but the kids behind me weren't so lucky. As time went on, junior high teachers were pressured to inflate grades and tough teachers were driven out or transferred; and discipline went all to hell (because they didn't want to damage the kid's self esteem by, y'know, punishing them and stuff). And when those kids arrived at the high school, the teachers (including my dad -- he was a teacher, which is why I know some of the behind-the-scenes stuff) were utterly appalled at the incredibly narcissistic, puffed-up egos of these kids who for the most part were not even prepared to do high school level work.

A few years later, after a big cocaine drug bust, the principal was removed and order restored, which makes for a happy ending I guess. Like I said, one anecdote hardly proves this study correct (I noticed that it was not peer-reviewed) and I don't even know that the timing is right for the trend. But I know, at least, that such phenomena are possible...

Re: Lake Wobegon, where all the children are above average

[http://users.livejournal.com/urban_faerie_/]

Ha! As a teacher I can see similarities between your school and some of the schools I work in.

What drives me crazy is when people think that being utterly permissive and never challenging kids is what's going to give them high self-esteem. How can you be proud of yourself if you have never met a challenge, set a difficult goal and reached it, or had to work for something you wanted?

If life is nothing but a series of placations from the time you enter kindergarten to the time you graduate then you don't feel any better about yourself than a kids who has been challenged because you don't know any other way. In fact these kids are even less able to deal with life because when they encounter challenges in the real world that mommy and daddy can't smooth over they are crushed because they haven't been forced to deal with those things like that in day to day life.

I think people underestimate how resiliant kids can be. It is part of human nature to want to be challenged, and how we cope with adversity teaches us what we are made of and what we can acomplish in life. Kids aren't going to respect a teacher or parent who gives them a free ride, so how can they respect themselves for getting one?