Define "work"

[lillibet]

Elsewhere, someone was discussing the work that he and his partner are doing to improve/sustain their relationship and someone else commented that if a relationship requires work, then it may not be worth continuing. This led into a discussion of what defines "work," more generally. If you enjoy a process, is it work? If you choose to do something, is it work? Are activities you undertake in pursuit of a hobby work? If you get paid to do something, is that work? If the product of your activity mainly benefits someone else, is that work? What activities do not count as work? What is work?

EDIT: For those of you who enjoy conversations between dpolicar and me as a spectator sport, be sure to check out the comments.

Comments

Excerpts from IM, Part 3

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

Re: Excerpts from IM, Part 3

[muffyjo]

(Spicy brains, indeed! God I love this.)

I hold that "work" is neutral. It needs other words around it to help identify its meaning to the speaker and is not, of itself, defined sufficiently to explain the object it refers to. It's much like "sky" in that it doesn't say that it's overcast or clear, stary or cloud-filled it's an insufficient description for much else than directing someone's attention upward.

But to imply work in the context of a relationship changes the meaning slightly but, I would argue, not enough. I think the question is not whether or not the parties involved are "working" on their relationship but more likely to be are they working on changing one or the other of them in that relationship. I don't think two people should ever be involved in changing one. I think people changing their inner workings is something only achieved by their own efforts. Which is not to say there aren't some wonderful catalysts out there but in the end, it's never "we" who changes, it's "I changed". "We" can only provide constancy, motivation and security the rest is always "I". And if a relationship keeps coming down to two parties trying to change one (even if they both are believing it's the other one) then there is a problem.