Contradictions

[lillibet]

People's images of themselves have always intrigued me. In college I knew a gorgeous woman who kept a crayon drawing over her desk of a skeletal figure with ballooning thighs and lightning bolts of hair radiating from the skull. It was labelled "ME".

While I generally seem to have a better image of myself, relative to my actual appearance than most people do, and I've worked pretty hard to just not worry very much about my weight, I do have "fat days," when I feel like a grotesque mountain of lipids. Recently--probably due to a combination of this horrific weather coinciding with that time of the month--I've been on a streak of those days. This morning I realized that I only had one pair of clean shorts and they were a size smaller than I really wear and the last couple of times I've tried to wear them, they wouldn't button. Feeling like a glutton for punishment, I pulled them on. They fit just fine. Despite which, I still felt enormous all day. But at least I could tell myself with authority that it was all in my head.

Comments

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

I think we all get that sometimes. Internal body image is usually so far from what people actually see. The good thing is when those days are balanced out by the "damn I look hot today" days.

[infinitehotel.livejournal.com]

To torture a metaphor until it screams, given the continual barrage of constantly evolving bacterial media attacking a person's self-esteem and perception of attractiveness, you're bound to have an occasional immune system failure.

Many of us think you're quite lovely. (Chicken soup? :)

[entirelysonja.livejournal.com]

I agree with you -- what we actually look like sometimes has very little to do with what we think we look like.

from the fat kid

[supercatnip.livejournal.com]

So I grew up at least 60 pounds overweight at any given time, but never really thought of myself as inferior or different in a bad way. To me "fat" was an adjective. Like blonde or short. It wasn't until I started losing weight that I got very self conscious and quite obsessive about my looks. Sadly though I did notice that people treating me differently as a thin person. They treated me better-it's a given guys were a hell of alot nicer. I thought it was due to the weight loss. But when I gained a ton of weight back, I realised it wasn't-it was due to the confidence that I then had inmyself, because even with my current weight gain, I still have the confidence and the "don't like it-don't look" attitude. Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo....my point is...I have no point. there ya go
no seriously, boy image is so far from what others' see mainly becasue even that is subjective. I may see pretty, you may see pretty damn ugly,ya know.

Just love yourself....and your T@F freinds...and your pets.....and your cacti....and your local town weirdo....cause damn it, they're attractive too!

PS-I hung out with Rob waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long on Sat. Damn you aquascum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh, and I like my woodie in any form......

Lisa B