Guilt

[lillibet]

I don't believe that one's life is a balance sheet. I don't try to be a
good person and treat other people well in order to make up for things in my
past or to create a debit against future mistakes. I try to be a good person
because it makes me happier today and creates good relationships in this
moment. I'm not paying forward or backward, because this is not a
cash-and-carry world.

If guilt actually makes you behave differently in the future, then it has a
purpose. If, like most people, it just makes you feel bad about yourself,
then throw it away. There is no percentage in running yourself down. I
used to spend a lot of time lying awake at night thinking about all the ways
I had been stupid or mean or inept or wrong or flat out evil, and believe me
all those things were there. It was torturous and it had no real effect
except to probably make me a lot less pleasant to be around. So I stopped.
It was that easy and that hard. I don't know if it's something that other
people can do. But stopping the guilt, just throwing it away (again and
again, because it will creep back), made me a stronger, better person than I
was before.

Now, repentence I find useful. It is useful to examine your actions and
emotions and recognize unhealthy events and patterns and feel sorry for your
mistakes and vow to live differently. It may be useful to express that
repentence to those you have hurt and to seek forgiveness. Some people have
it to give. Some don't. Then you have to forgive yourself, which is one
of the greatest feats of grace in the human repetoire.

I was really annoyed by a poll I took for the Democratic Party in 1996, when
they were trying to put together their platform for the presidential
election. One of the questions wanted to know if I supported affirmative
action "to make up for past inequities towards minority group members." I
wanted a place to say that I believe firmly in affirmative action in order
to achieve equality today, because there is nothing we can do to make up for
the past, but we can attempt to fix the inequities that we continue to perpetuate.

One of my favorite scriptures is "Sufficient unto the day is the evil
thereof." Do your best today. Deal with the consequences of yesterday and
move forward with confidence and goodwill toward tomorrow.

I feel like I'm preaching and what I mean to be is sympathetic. I'm sorry
you're upset and sad that you have made a mistake that is obviously weighing
heavily on you. If you'd like to talk about it, I'm all eyes, but mostly I
just want you know that I believe that you can use your power for good.