Walk in the Glow of Each Other's Majestic Presence

Who have been your closest friends throughout the years?

My friends are the crowning glory of my life and I've been lucky to develop deep, long-lasting relationships with many of them. This may take me a while!

My first best friend was Rhonda. Her parents were members of our church and her mother was one of my mom's closest friends. Rhonda was born eight months before me and she has been a fact of my life since I was born. We came all the way through school, Girl Scouts, and Sunday School together and although we haven't spent a great deal of time together since we each went off to college, we keep in touch and see each other every couple of years. She's wonderfully crafty and sends us marvelous Christmas presents every year. We've been there to support each other through life's highs and lows and there is an enduring closeness that connects us like family.

Rhonda was actually a year ahead of me until I skipped in 2nd grade. Until then my closest friends were the other kids from church, particularly Lori, Evelyn, Paul, and Mark. Lori and I spent hours playing with our Fisher-Price people--she had the airport--and Evelyn and I would roam the marshes out behind her house in Coeymans Hollow and read the same books. I remember tobogganing on the hill beside Mark's house and the Christmas gathering his parents hosted, and spending hours playing in our back yards with Paul. I'm barely in touch with them now, though I had the chance to really reconnect with Mark earlier this year, to my great delight, but when I think of my early years they were a constant presence as we learned how to be people together.

My other best friend in elementary school was Tricia. We were classmates all but one year, I think, from 2nd through 12th grade and when I went to Columbia, she came to Barnard and spent a summer living with me in Boston. In high school we got to know Holly through drama club and there were two new kids in town that year, Lynmarie and Keith, all of whom became close friends of mine in different ways. I also spent a bunch of time with Karen--we wrote fanfic together and watched MTV when her family were one of the very first in town to get cable. There were various fallings out and losing touch, but I'm loosely in touch with all but one of them and enjoy seeing them online and catching up when we have a chance.

I have a lot of treasured friends from my college years, but only one with whom I actually attended the same school. Susan and I were the same year at Columbia, took a couple of classes together, and had many late nights and adventures. We stayed in vague touch through our twenties and she was one of my bridesmaids. We've actually become closer over time and these days touch base at least once a week online and talk often--we spent over an hour on the phone last night catching up. While we never spend as much time together as we'd like, we do manage to see each other at least three or four times a year. She is an amazing person--I've never introduced her to anyone who didn't find her charming and want to know her better--gives incredible hugs and makes me feel very loved whenever we talk, which is a marvelous gift.

The other lasting friend from my Columbia days is Sumati--she was a Barnard student I met through Tricia. She came to Boston for grad school and my sisters both adored her. I would say that we stayed very close until we both got married, one week apart. She moved to California at that point, while I left California for London, but we catch up a couple of times a year on the phone and see each other whenever we're in the same town. She is incredibly intelligent and insightful, with a very different perspective on life that I've always found both invigorating and grounding.

Despite never actually attending MIT--the only course I took for credit there was aerobics--most of my college-era friends went there, or at least hung out there. The two big groupings of people were the theatre gang and the Fenway House folk. For a while Larry, Rachel, steve, and I were so close that we joked about changing our last names to symbolize our family-like connection--Larry favored "Roosevelt," because Eleanor didn't have to change her name. Rachel and I shared an apartment for a term, as well as working the same job, dating the same men, and doing the same shows. Fenway House was like a fraternity in the good ways--closeness among the residents varied and shifted, but sharing a home and maintaining our house together created the basis for some of my longest-lasting, deepest friendships. The two that have stayed the closest are steve and Dave.

steve and I started talking on the phone regularly while I was still at Columbia. When we graduated and each had jobs with a lot of repetitive tasks and minimal supervision, we would spend hours chatting while we worked. I took an apartment in the same building where he lived with Tom for my last year before moving to California, which made it even more convenient to spend hours talking. A three-hour time difference turned out to be perfect for our respective schedules, so while I lived on the West Coast we talked almost every night. We used to each subscribe to TIME Magazine and would especially call each other to talk through the news of each issue. When I moved to London the time difference was trickier, but we found that if I got up at 7am I could catch him as he was getting home from the clubs and chat while I was waking up and he was winding down. These days we only manage to connect about once a week and see each other once a month, or so, but he's still probably the person with the most accurate model of me, the person who knows the most about what and how I think and feel about the world.

Dave and I were good friends while we were at Fenway and lived together, for a year--or two, depending on how you look at it--after I graduated. That was a particularly difficult time in his life and my focus was elsewhere, leaving us with a bunch of issues to resolve. We did stay in touch and during my years in California developed an extended email conversation that healed and deepened our friendship. After moving back to Boston and founding Theatre@First I was delighted that he came out to work with us for more than a decade. We still talk online and hang out regularly. Our conversation has ebbed and flowed over time, but continues to be one of the richest of my life.

We found Jo in London. Her second cousin introduced us and we quickly became close friends. She decided to move back to Boston--where we'd overlapped briefly, but never met--shortly after Jason and I did. She became one of the founding members of Theatre@First, developed a godmother relationship with Alice when she came along, and joined First Parish not long after we did. I'm not always the friend she wishes I could be, and she's had a lot of big changes in her life over the past few years that have impacted our closeness, but talking and working with her is always a joy and I try to appreciate that and celebrate her, always.

There are so many other people that I could talk about. Gilly, who gave me this project as a gift, who has taught me so much about design and courage and faith, and who makes the effort to reach out and make plans on a regular basis. Jeanne, one of my friends from the science-fiction convention world, who has kept in touch and popped back up and lets me edit her wonderful stories and connects different pieces of my world and shared the sadness of dealing with aging parents and their aftermath at exactly the right time. Drea, who is one of the most creative, intelligent, brave, and loving people I've ever been close to. Leon, who is always a breath of fresh air in my life and has the knack of going deep despite long absences. Glen, who drove cross-country with me and is just the best person for turning bad experiences into adventures and always smiles in a way that makes me feel special when he sees me walk in a room. Regis, who is an absolute rock and yet one of the most tender people I've ever known. Lindasusan, who has grown and elaborated her phenomenal self in so many breathtaking ways over the years, and her amazing wife, Emily. Linda Marie, who takes me way too seriously, but doesn''t hesitate to call me on my crap. The several ex-partners who've transmuted into friends and are treasured for finding a relationship with me that was possible to continue through the years after our romances withered. The many wonderful women of Theatre@First that I've had the chance to become closer with and am afraid to name for fear of leaving out someone important and obvious. The astonishing people of First Parish, many of whom I feel very close with, despite not having spent enough time together yet to justify that. And all the friends I'm forgetting at the moment, but whose memory makes me smile when I remember times of being close to one another.

Friendship is the pillar of my life and I am endlessly grateful for all of them.

Lately, Sundays have become especially busy. If I only have two or three events on my calendar for a Sunday, that's a pretty easy-going day--sometimes there are five. Perhaps because of that, today felt only moderately busy.

I was surprised to find, as Easter approached, that I was thinking of my mother more than usual. It felt so strange to be planning for the day without figuring out how to include her. Perhaps it's because for her it was still a very religious holiday, or just because I have so many memories, so many pictures of us all gathered in the sunshine in our Sunday best, with her tucked between her giant girls.

This year I actually wondered if we had to celebrate Easter as a family. And then I thought sure, keeping the tradition of getting the family together a few times a year is no bad thing. I wondered if I might turn to my sisters and ask what plan they might come up with that didn't involve my house, or me cooking. And I thought about hiring a chef, which I've done a few times, or going to a restaurant. But in the end I decided that I did want to cook and to gather family and friends around the table.

The day started early, getting to First Parish by 8am so we would have time to eat breakfast there and practice our skit before the choir gathered at 8:30. Jo and I were performing a piece based on The Yellow Tutu, with narration by our fabulous DRE and some mean-girl assistance from members of the choir. It was short and sweet and involved the indelible image of the two of us dancing in front of the congregation wearing tutus on our heads.

Our minister had asked us to wear silly hats and I'd decided to get this blue fascinator, which was an utter hoot to wear. The adult and children's choirs collaborated on "Easter Bonnet" and we sang lots of joyful hymns. We also did a responsive reading that I found really moving, adapted from a sermon by Nadia Bolz-Weber:

( Some Modern Beatitudes )

During her invocation for communion, Marta also gave us a chance to speak the names of the dead who were in our thoughts today and I was so grateful for the chance to say my mother's name, to invoke the presence that has been hovering over me this week.

Alice had a grand time in the Easter Egg Hunt--her first year in the graveyard with the big kids. We stayed for the first part of the second service, in which Alice was one of the readers, while Jason and I reprised our performances, and then snuck out. The car said it was 82F as we pulled out and I was dreading turning on the oven for dinner. But while I took a nap, Jason turned on the AC and it was actually pleasant inside throughout the day. Alice found her Easter basket and seemed to enjoy the various treats and toys I'd included in it.

While Jason de-cluttered and got the dining room set for dinner, I roasted the lamb that had been marinating since yesterday, on top of potatoes, onions, mushrooms and garlic, which I seved with a very tasty demi-glace. I made way too many deviled eggs, with the help of Lisa, Paulo, and George at various points. Beckie & Neil brought the traditional too-much-nosh (shrimps and cheeses and summer sausage and pate and olives, oh my!). Anne & G. brought Greek-style braised green beans and I made a chopped Greek salad and heated up some Hawaiian rolls that miraculously survived several months in the freezer to be wonderfully soft and tasty. Dave and Jo collaborated to decorate the spiced carrot chiffon cake I had made yesterday with honey-cream cheese ice cream and pecans. By the time Hatem got out of work and could join us, we were just about ready to put it all on the table.

The food was reasonably good (not the best I've ever managed, but no one complained) and it seemed like an especially good group of people and conversations. Jo and Beckie helped enormously with the clean-up and by the time everyone had left around 5:30, another half hour got the kitchen to a state where I felt I could leave it. So I took another short nap, rising in time to be awake when the Mourning Becomes Electra arrived for a line-thru of the whole show.

I was able to do the whole thing without my script, though I did get confused and have to call "line" a couple of times. I felt pretty good about it and most other people are also in pretty good shape. This is going to be a really powerful show and there are a lot of dark moments, but we had fun together and it was really nice to be in a room with most of the cast, since that hasn't happened much yet. Jason got Alice to bed during one of the stretches when he's not on stage, but I was able to pop up and kiss her goodnight.

The cast and crew took off and after a break, it was time to finish up the kitchen and get the garbage, recycling, and compost to the curb. And now, I think I can say that I am well and truly done. I'm very excited that Alice doesn't have school in the morning.

Jonathan Carroll posts a lot of things on FB: poems, quotations, snippets from the book he's writing, vignettes from his life in Vienna, extraordinary photos he finds on the web. They're often thought-provoking and sometimes uncanny in their relevance to myself, or the situations of others in my life. I comment sometimes, but mostly figure if something isn't relevant to me then he was talking to someone else that day.

This morning there is an unattributed passage that I'm guessing comes from his own work:

At the end of their relationship she asked if they could still remain friends. His face was expressionless until he said "No. Because we put friends in boxes. You see them once in a while, or even a lot, but still they have their box in your life, their specific place.Their *category.* That's one of the great things about being someone's love-- you have no box in their life because you're part of all their boxes. You're their friend, their lover, their confidante-- all those things. I don't want to be put in one of your boxes and I don't want to shrink you to fit into one of mine."

And while I know what he's getting at, my experience is somewhat different. ( Read more... )

A toast, then, to my lasting friends: the ones who jump out of the box, defy definition, and transcend context. You know who you are, even if Jonathan Carroll doesn't believe you exist.

Because muffyjo is my hero, tonight I took her to Menton, where we had the following, amazing meal:

Potato Vichyssoise
Forbidden Rice, Olive Oil Cured Chanterelles
NV Aubry Champagne 1er Cru Brut Jouy-les-Reims

Rock Crab Salad
Grapefruit, Almond, White Sturgeon Caviar
2008 Heidi Schrock Muscat

Clean Seas' Bluefin Tuna Tartare
Heirloom Tomato, Lemon Cucumber, Yogurt
2009 Château Peyrassol Côtes de Provence Rosé

Maine Lobster
Pain Perdu, Grilled Local Romaine, Dill
2007 Qupe Rousanne "Bien Nacido Hillside Estate"

Carnaroli Risotto
Summer Vegetables, Porcini
2007 Nigl Gruner Veltlinter "Privat"

Seared Foie Gras de Canard
Wild Maine Blueberries, Lemon, Basil
NV Velenois Lacrima di Morro d'Alba "Visciole"

St. Canut Farm's Porcelet
Green Tomato Jam, Fava Beans, Rapini
1008 Hirsch Estate Pinot Noir "Storyteller's Cuvée"

PT Farm's Strip Loin of Beef
Carrot, Lange de Boeuf, Sauce Périgueus
2006 Château Peymartin Saint-Julian

Selection of Artisanal Cheese
Challerhocker ~ St. Gallen, Switzerland
Reypenauer V.S.O.P. ~ Utrecht, The Netherlands
Sainte-maure Belgique ~ Wallonia, Belgium
Delice de Bourgogne ~ Burgundy, France
Miti Blue~ Castile - La Mancha, Spain
Chiviri ~ Extremadura, Spain
2007 Kracher Beerenauselese Cuvée

Oefs a la Neige
Raspberry, Vanilla

Chocolate Cake
Vanilla Glace, Cherry, Marcona Almond
2009 Marenco Brachetto d'Acqui "Pineto"

Peaches and Cream
Brandy, Anise Hyssop, Crème Fraîche
2009 Caracco Moscato d'Asti

Assorted Miniature Macaroons
Vanilla, Raspberry, Mint, Black Sesame

Mostly for my own reference, here are notes, thoughts and recipe links for last night's tasting menu:

( Details Behind the Cut )

Overall, I was very pleased with this meal. I liked the way that certain flavors echoed in other courses--the mint from the chicken salad recalled by the garnish on the chamomile sorbet, the beef fat flavor in the onion soup echoed in the short ribs, the pears with the cake recalling the initial pear-ginger sorbet, etc. It also feels like I'm getting the hang of quantities--everyone was certainly full by the end of this meal, but it wasn't some kind of Herculean exercise in bloating. And we have remarkably few leftovers, considering.

I want to give a special shout out to muffyjo and heliopsis, who served as designated diners after two of our original guests were striken by stomach flu. It was a marvelous, casual evening and so fun to share all my cooking adventures with you.

This year friends of mine have been doing a series of tasting menus at their home. It seemed like so much fun that tonight I decided to repay the favor.

( View Menu )

Everything came out well and I think we managed to serve it with a minimum of fuss. Some of the recipes are new--I'll do a separate entry on those--and others are old favorites that I enjoyed sharing. It was a lot of work, but also a lot of fun. I'm particularly pleased that I seem to have managed the portions reasonably well, since causing my dinner guests to explode was not one of of my goals. I think I'll have to do this again sometime, but next time I'll schedule it for better cooking weather and a time when I don't have a show looming on the horizon.

I recently read about baked cucumbers in Julie & Julia, and since I've been getting cucumbers in my farmshare, that seemed like a good thing to try. And I have this lamb sausage that I wanted to use. So I came up with this idea for a deconstructed baked gyro kind of thing.

I started with ( #79 Roasted Tomatoes )

Then I made ( #80 Baked Cucumbers )

While the cucumbers were baking, I put the lamb sausage on a baking sheet and let those bake--possibly too long. They turned out a little dry--those are some very solid, meaty sausages. But I had all this yogurt-cucumber sauce and that moistened them nicely. I served the tomatoes and sausage over the cucumbers, with pita chips that I toasted while I was cutting up the lamb. I'm not sure it was worth all the work, but it made a tasty meal and it's certainly something to do when you have too many cucumbers.

Thanks to muffyjo for being tonight's test subject!

In honor of gilana, tonight I tried a recipe from an issue of BHG that Mom gave me, with a few minor changes.

( #65 Herbed Cheese-Stuffed Salmon )

Served with rice pilaf mixed with spinach and roasted broccoli, this was a very tasty meal. I went ahead and used basil in the broccoli this time and it was the best yet.

roozle came to lunch today and I decided to make ( #42 Pasta with Buttered Leeks and Parsley ).