Decluttering

[lillibet]

This started as a comment elsewhere, in response to a friend reminiscing about a hoarder in her life, celebrating her decluttering routine and marveling at how complicated many guided processes seem. Since this comes up pretty frequently, I thought I'd re-post my thoughts here.

Must be spring: there's a discussion on my FB that's pretty negative about the whole decluttering movement from the other direction (the privilege that it assumes).

When we moved four years ago, I went through everything in our old house. We got rid of seven carloads of stuff (mostly to my mother's church rummage sale, since it was conveniently timed--they sell what they can and then donate the rest to appropriate places and Mom worked the sale for enough years that I can trust they actually do that) plus about twenty boxes of books (sold a bunch of those, the rest to the sale).

Then we put 95% of our remaining goods into storage and lived in our staged house for what turned out to be two months. That was a strange and illuminating experience. Every counter had to be clear at all times--when we left the house, we put the dish drainer under the sink, in case the agent had a short-notice showing while we were out. My wardrobe became about a dozen items of clothing, plus underwear. Alice (who was five at the time) had one bin of toys that could go in her closet whenever she wasn't playing.

One of the things I learned was how things attract things. If there was nothing on a counter, it stayed clear. If someone left one thing out on the counter, rather than putting it away, within two days there would be a pile of stuff on that counter. And it turned out that I really like clear counters and the sense that everything has a place and can be in it when not in use.

When we moved to this house--a bigger space with better storage and now fewer things--we unpacked and I went through the process again, getting rid of another two or three carloads of stuff that I realized I hadn't missed in the slightest. We made the commitment to not accumulating more media--Alice still gets books, but Jason and I don't buy books or CDs or DVDs--it's amazing how much that single decision cut down on stuff piling up.

Alice is now the main accumulator, although the inflow has eased a bit as she's gotten older. It's still amazing how many free toys and hand-me-downs and presents flow in, not to mention papers and artwork and projects. We've stuck to the routine established when she was a baby (because the Mass. Mothers of Twins sale comes every six months and that was our major source of clothing and large toys until we moved here) of going through all of her stuff--clothes, toys, books--twice a year. We maintain a Too Small box in the interim and when it gets full I send what they'll take to ThredUp and hand the rest down to other families in our church. Lately I've gotten on two different FB groups that let me advertise free stuff to take away and that's been an easy way to redirect stuff I'm not saving for our rummage sale.

The urge to accumulate was also reined in by having to move my mom to assisted living in 2014. She had already done the bulk of the downsizing when they moved from a 4BR house to a 2BR condo seven years earlier. But there was still plenty of junk (at a conservative estimate there were 300,000 free mailing labels that had piled up in just those seven years) and treasures that none of her daughters wanted. It made me very aware that while it's fine to have in my life anything I want there, every item I keep is likely to someday be a burden for Alice to dispose of.

We don't achieve what anyone might call "minimalism," but we do manage to keep the clutter restricted to a few zones and clear those periodically. Entertaining so much helps--it gives us occasions for tidying. Now that we're in a post-show period (that's likely to last till the end of the year, at least, so it feels luxurious) I've been taking the time to work through the various drawers and closets. I know that having the time to do all this is a privilege, not to mention the confidence that if I do need something I've let go, I can afford to replace it. But I find that stuff makes noise in my head and I like living in peace and quiet.

Comments

[woodwardiocom.livejournal.com]

Alice is now the main accumulator...

She should put that on her business cards.

[whitebird.livejournal.com]

I agree, that is an excellent title.

[whitebird.livejournal.com]

there's a discussion on my FB that's pretty negative about the whole decluttering movement from the other direction (the privilege that it assumes).

Does the parenthetical bit mean, "The privilege of having the money/space/ability to accumulate items?"

Because I don't understand what that part means.

I really, really need to declutter, but starting that project is a pain.

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

No, the opposite. Getting rid of stuff in order to have less stuff assumes that if you ever need something you've discarded, you can afford to replace it. It also assumes that you have the not-inconsiderable time to spare to deal with getting rid of stuff. Both of those things are privileges and there are others. If you google "minimalism privilege" you'll get a lot of hits thinking about this aspect of it.

To be clear, that doesn't mean that I think one shouldn't do it, just that it's good to be mindful.

[whitebird.livejournal.com]

Oh, okay. Well, that's a big load of assumptions on its own, though, too. For instance, I have a round bladed knife with a chopping board with a similarly curved indention on it from Alaska, that my mother gave me once. I never use it and will likely never use it and so could easily get rid of it. Decluttering doesn't have to be about getting rid of things you use, realistically, it shouldn't be that.

The time thing I fully understand, though because that's one of my issues. On the other hand, I know that I could spend 10 minutes, or even less, a day and make a considerable dent in what I've got.

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

Sure, but you might need it someday. Or what if a friend gets married and you need a gift for them and you don't have the money that week? Or what if someone's house burns down and they need to restock their kitchen and they don't have a good knife? You never know... :)

[rmd.livejournal.com]

When she was around my age, my mother regularly stated (while dealing with accumulated cruft) that "possessions are a burden." It took me a long time to understand that, but I certainly do.

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

We ended up with stuff from both sets of grandparents and my nanny, all crammed into our house. At one point we had three dining room tables and four cedar chests. Around that time we went on vacation and as we drove around the block toward home, my mother said "Part of me thinks what a relief it would be to turn the corner and find the whole thing had burned down."

[kalliejenn2.livejournal.com]

one of my biggest reasons for constant purging is that stuff (all stuff) takes time to maintain (and if you have a lot of it, you lose time by trying to find things). there is literally not a single thing in our apartment that, if you asked me where it is, i couldn't instantly find you.

it also takes up space in our (very small) apartment that could be better used for other things (playing, having friends over, etc). as you know, i'm a constant purger.

i find the notion of needing things after getting rid of them kind of silly, as in all the time i've been purging (and you know i purge a LOT) i have only once, ever, regretted getting rid of something (and it was a pair of baby pants that we didn't actually NEED, just something i didn't realize i had emotional attachment to until it was gone). i think the cheap production of many types of goods has created a new kind of living that allows us to accumulate all sorts of crap we don't actually need (or in many cases, even want) - i think this can happen even if you don't have that much money or resources.

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes. I think the fear can be unfounded and yet operative--it's kind of like our bodies wanting all the sugar and fat they can get.

[surrealestate.livejournal.com]

You are totally my hero on this subject.

And as it happens, last year I gave something away that it turned out I needed a part of shortly thereafter. I knew the recipient would have insisted on returning it if they knew, too, so I had to be careful about where I said anything about it, but I did put my need out into the world and someone else had the thing I needed and gave it to me. So it all worked out.

[outerjenise.livejournal.com]

Wow, what a timely post for me. We've just gotten past the staging part of selling the house, and Thing1 is surprising me by saying things like, "Ah, it's so nice that we can have a little clutter again," because she's the clutter-averse offspring.

But we are moving to a home with no basement, no place to stash all the excess while we figure out what to do with it, so next week, I begin the long process of sorting through everything we own and deciding what stays and what goes. Daunting. So thanks for your reminder that, for the most part, I don't use this stuff, and stuff I don't use is pointless to own.

[muffyjo]

Having spent a great deal of today sorting through clutter, I have to admit, mine is led by the paper movement...somehow everyone has to send me pieces of paper. I don't feel entitled by their pieces of paper, I feel deflated and fatigued with their weight. Now I have to make choices! And I've had too many choices to make so I stopped for a while and just let them pile up. But now I have had a day of sorting and dealing and sorting and dealing...and I have a dining room table back. :)

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

Yes, paper is the Great Flood. For me it's easier to stop it at the door with tight routines, but I know that's not the answer for everyone. Congratulations on reclaiming your table!