Party Poll

[lillibet]

[Poll #1638357]

Comments

[desiringsubject.livejournal.com]

I am pleased with your separation of "sufficient" food from "great" food. Parties with insufficient food are excruciating. I actually kinda had one recently, when I called flashmob and hadn't realized that I'd eaten as far through my pantry as I thought I had.

I have been to parties where I'm pretty sure the conversation lagged BECAUSE of insufficient food. But fancy food is never my priority. I far prefer relatively unremarkable food with one or two fancy, special, or elaborate items. When everything is palate challenging, I get overwhelmed and unsatisfied.

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

One of my theses here is that there's a disconnect between how much attention hosts and guests pay to the food. So far that seems to be born out by the results, but we'll see what happens as more people wake up and respond.

[ayelle.livejournal.com]

Is it possible that people are just taking it for granted as they fill out the poll, though? I don't go to people's parties FOR the food; and when I throw a party I have to be careful not to over-provide or there will be too much left over because so many people will bring snacks as a contribution (which is great). But every once in a while, I have shown up at a large party where there was no food, or what food there had been was all gone by the time I had gotten there. As desiringsubject says, this can be excrutiating. Often as not, we will end up having to leave early to feed ourselves (our days are hectic and it's so typical to go to a large party and be surrounded by snacks that I don't eat a big meal before going to one). I kind of think that just because most poll respondents aren't thinking to check it doesn't actually mean it's not important. It doesn't have to be amazing food that took hours to prepare, but enough food that you don't run out strikes me as an important party element when you have more than a certain number of guests.

I admit in my own poll answers I sometimes found it difficult to generalize about my own behavior, which changes a lot from party to party and especially as I have so much less less time and energy to spare for anything these days. I never have time to put together an amazing outfit or costume any more, but I still feel disappointed in myself (and I guess the party) because of it. (I know, nobody else cares, but I still care.)

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

Well, that's why I offered both 'sufficient food' and 'great food' as options in the "disappointing" question--I figured that people might not go 'for' the food and still care that that there is some.

And yeah, I know how important the outfit can be for many people, whether they have the time and energy to make it happen or not.

[ayelle.livejournal.com]

Yes, I think that makes perfect sense! I liked how you set that up. I'm just sort of wondering if so relatively people are checking the box indicating that they'd be disappointed to be at a party with insufficient food because they don't want to judge a party's success by its food, and yet do find insufficient food to be an issue, in the event. If that makes sense... but maybe I'm projecting, and other people really don't care if there's little or no food, because they're careful to eat enough beforehand and don't like most party food, or something.

I admit I also find that a party that's missing something I might normally consider a key party element may still be awesome, not at all disappointing, because it has so many other things to make up for it. I'm sure that's true for everyone, of course! But it led to me hesitating to check particular boxes in the "I find a party disappointing when" column because while I enjoy, say, good music and a nice selection of drinks, I've been to many a party that had neither but was great because there were so many other things to entertain me. Etc.

Fun poll. THanks for doing it.

[desireearmfeldt]

I checked "providing food" as something I pay attention to as a host, but didn't feel I quite meant what the question said -- in the sense that, there are some parties where elaborate food is part of the...theme? my image of what the party's going to be like? And for those, yes, I spend time and effort on food prep. Other parties, I don't necessarily spend a lot of time and effort, but "make sure that there's the sort of food I promised there would be" is still a preparation step that I always do.

Also, as both host and guest, I find I assume that part of the host's job is to indicate how much/what sort of food there will be. I'm not disappointed if there's not enough food at a party to provide me with dinner, unless I thought that dinner was going to be provided. (As a guest, I have come across a few, but only a few, examples where my understanding/guess about how much food was going to be at the party was wrong.) And as a host, when I plan a party, I decide whether it's going to be dinner or tea and cookies or junk food snacks, or what, and then I state that in the invitation.

[ayelle.livejournal.com]

That also makes perfect sense. I have been to parties where it was made quite clear in the invitation that minimal food or drink would be provided (for whatever reason, like it was a party to celebrate moving out and they didn't want to generate leftovers, or the focus of the party was something else entirely), and I have been careful to feed myself beforehand and thus have not been disappointed.

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

I have trouble with food at parties. My "full" meter is very broken, so I have a hard time figuring out if I've had enough food when I'm not sitting down and looking at it. So if I go to a party hungry, I either come away still hungry--or at least, still feeling like I never really ate--or accidentally over-full or full-of-wrong-food, which only becomes evident to me quite a bit later. So without much conscious attention to this, I've found that I pretty much never arrive with the intention of eating there and often leave a party without having eaten anything at all.

That being the case, one of the things that I find bothers me is when there's elaborate food that the hosts are busy dealing with (preparing, plating, administering the potluck, whatever) such that they're not available for more social aspects of the party.

[kalliejenn2.livejournal.com]

i totally agree with the sufficient food thing. we recently went to a party where all they had for the first few hours were pickles and one bag of chips...and most of the guests seemed kind of put out and confused about it (me, also). i've also been to parties where the food was totally overdone (way too much), and that was offputting, too.

[firstfrost.livejournal.com]

I suspect there is a disconnect between how much attention hosts and guests pay to party preparations in nearly all cases! :)

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

That's not clear to me. I mean, yes, the hosts are more focused on the specifics of the preparations. But I think that guests do notice when what they're looking for is, or isn't provided or encouraged.

[firstfrost.livejournal.com]

Hmm, okay, that's probably more true for things that the hosts aren't providing/encouraging, because then the guest is spending more time noticing than the host did (not) providing. I was thinking more of the things the hosts *do* put time into providing - if it's decorations, they'll probably spend more time/attention decorating, compared to the guest who will say "Ooooh, pretty / spooky / interesting" and move on. Same with the food - more time spent cooking than eating it, if the party is food-based. (If it's watching football with pretzels - well, even then, probably more attention to getting / putting out pretzels than attention spent eating them. Or if one runs around cleaning thoroughly before a party, etc.

[greenlily.livejournal.com]

I mostly don't go to parties these days, as I need my spoons for other things. But when I do go, it's because I have reason to expect that (at least some of) the party will be quiet enough for people to talk instead of shout. I've been to parties where I (finally!) got to Sit Down And Talk with people I'd known for a year or more, and I've been to parties where I had delightful conversations with people I'd just met. :)

[whitebird.livejournal.com]

I can't say that I've ever really hosted a party. Biggest gatherings at my place tend to be three person game nights on occasion.

As to food, parties where there is no expectation of great food need sufficient food, and some parties need great food because that's part of the reason. (My friends who make wine have a party for the picking and bottling, usually. They do good food.)

[lyonesse.livejournal.com]

i didn't check anything about other people's parties b/c they vary. same for my parties -- my massage parties are all about participatory physical contact, for instance; my birthday party not so much :)

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

Clearly, I should have included an "I am lyonesse" check box :)

[lyonesse.livejournal.com]

i doubt that many people would use it ;)

[gilana]

Other people's parties are disappointing without:
sufficient non-alcoholic drinks.

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

Ah, a good one that I totally missed. Thank you.

[ayelle.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, good call.

[skreeky]

I think perhaps one of the reasons for "disconnect" is that many aspects, if you have done well, they are not noticed. "Making it look easy" some call it. Do party guests notice the traffic flow of the party layout? God, I hope not, because that would mean it was piss poor. Do they notice "sufficient" food? Probably not. But they'll notice insufficient food. Do they notice that there are things to do and chat about? No, but they'll notice being bored. Do they notice the lack of safety issues? Hell, no! Will they notice enough parking? etc.

Many of your questions have an implied "level of expectation" aspect that confounds them. Do I go to a party FOR the food? FOR interesting drinks? Of course not. I felt bad checking that I was "disappointed" if there weren't good drinks, because that really depends on whether I went expecting there to be good drinks. Am I "disappointed" when hubby's coworkers serve only Pabst Blue Ribbon? Well, no, because I didn't expect anything better. But I didn't expect it to be a "good" party, either - I expected to sit around drinking bad beer and pretending to be someone I'm not. So what do you really mean there? There are certain supposedly amazingly good parties that are so chaotic, if I managed to do anything other than crawl into a corner with a random book off the shelf, it was good - and I'm an extrovert. So "disappointing" is a loaded term. As a host, you have to start with "what do my guests *expect* as a given?" Specifically, if they go to Random Meloow Susboid Party XYZ and there are no elaborate tiki drinks, will they be "disappointed"? Of course not. There never are. But if they come to our annual summer blowout, and there's no cocktails? I think that there would be some amount of disappointment, yes.

[firstfrost.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I was similarly confounded. When I go to a party advertised as a barbecue, I do not eat first, and I would be disappointed if there wasn't food. When I go to a party advertised as a script-reading with tea and possibly scones, I eat first. :)

Also, I would probably be unhappy with a party that had no food AND no people I knew AND no conversation AND no thing-to-do I was there for - but the lack of any one of them doesn't necessarily disappoint me.

[jelazakazone.livejournal.com]

This was any eye opening survey for me. I look like an extrovert, but I get overstimulated easily and start to be unable to focus after a while. If I host a party, it is always potluck and I expect not to really spend any quality time with my guests just because I'm overstimulated. This may be why I don't host parties much any more:)

It seems we are not often invited to parties. I like to meet new people, but I also like to chat with friends. We usually dance once a week, so my opportunities for meeting new people abound.

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

I'm glad it was thought-provoking.

We have the joy of living in a very vibrant and interconnected community with a very hearty social whirl, so it's a rare weekend that there isn't a gathering of some sort. There's definitely a social season (reminds me of 19th century London!) from October until mid-January. Then there's usually a lull in late-winter and early spring, before things pick up in May and June and then taper off again after July 4th while everyone's travelling and then settling back into fall routines, before picking up again in the fall.

We don't go to many parties these days, partly because of Alice's schedule. Many parties include the kids, but the most kid-friendly hours tend to be during her naptime (we're still getting about three hours most days, so that eats up the afternoon). And we spend so much time out in the evening during rehearsal & performance periods that we just don't want to leave her very often. But last night she had a sleepover at Grandma's so that we could go to a show that many friends were involved with and then to one of the three parties we'd been invited to for an hour.

[surrealestate.livejournal.com]

I started filling out the poll, but it seemed pointless because if I consider every possible party, then pretty much every option gets checked. For example, at a friend's birthday party, am I expecting great food? Of course not. But at some event specifically about the food? Well, yeah, very likely. I rarely attend a party for the booze, but if it's a tasting, then yes, that's a definite factor. Similarly, at a massage party, the physical contact is more important than otherwise, and at a Halloween party, the show-off-the-outfit becomes a bigger factor.

So yeah, and this probably goes without being said, but I've hosted a *lot* of events of various sorts, and all of those options have definitely been important across them, but never all at the same one that I can recall.

[bookly.livejournal.com]

I'm confounded that so many people are confounded. Apparently I have a very stereotypical meaning for 'party' stuck in my head that basically involves chips or nice hors d'oeuvres, soda or wine, and lots of standing around talking excitedly. Maybe I just don't get out enough. :) On the other hand, the parties I've thrown that I remember best were both tea parties, so clearly not the sort of parties I have in mind when someone says 'party'. Also, what jelazakazone said.