Cross-Cultural Communication
Dec. 3rd, 2004 12:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lillibetI'm married to a Vulcan. This has advantages, but sometimes it can be a little awkward.
Tonight I got email from a friend of mine who would like J. to think positively of him. This friend came to see MITC and afterward chatted a bit with J., to tell him how much he enjoyed the show. Apparently he said something to which Jason did not reply, leading him to believe that J. was taken aback and perhaps even offended at the comment. No, he just didn't have anything to say, so he didn't say anything and continued looking impassively at the speaker. So for the past month the poor guy has been fretting that J. thinks he's an ass and how is he going to face him at a party this weekend and...
This is part of an ongoing interface problem that J. has. He's quiet, which at his height people take for aloofness and unfriendliness. And he has non-standard facial expressions, such that his "I'm carefully considering what you say" looks just like "I am enraged and will shortly attack". His "please, tell me more" tends to look like extreme boredom. What looks like "I heartily agree" is just "I'm aware that you are speaking English." (As you may be able to tell, I have made careful study of his expressions and can provide a key to anyone interested.) The result is that most people think he actively doesn't like them, when the truth is that he is generally predisposed to like everyone (much moreso than I am--oh, the irony!).
An amusing outcome is that he's like an Insecurity Detector, because people interpret his reaction based on what they fear he's thinking. So, guys who think I'm hot think he's incredibly jealous. People who are nervous about talking too much think that he thinks they are obnoxiously chatty. Low self-esteem folk tend to apologize to me for bothering him. Of course, all of them tell these things to me because he is, much to his chagrin, intimidating, and I'm left going "No, no, really--he doesn't dislike you, he's just funny that way. Give him a chance."
One solution--a bit sad, but at least there is one--is to get him drunk. He's extremely outgoing, chatty and affectionate when he's tipsy--more than once he has talked someone's ear off at a party, believe it or not. Alcohol lowers his inhibitions and his latency verbal response and lets him out of his head--for which reasons it is his drug of choice. Or just get to know him--go ahead and talk at him, he likes that a lot and he really is listening. After a few episodes of that, he tends to get more comfortable and begin working his words in edgewise. And he's a really fun and interesting guy.
Tonight I got email from a friend of mine who would like J. to think positively of him. This friend came to see MITC and afterward chatted a bit with J., to tell him how much he enjoyed the show. Apparently he said something to which Jason did not reply, leading him to believe that J. was taken aback and perhaps even offended at the comment. No, he just didn't have anything to say, so he didn't say anything and continued looking impassively at the speaker. So for the past month the poor guy has been fretting that J. thinks he's an ass and how is he going to face him at a party this weekend and...
This is part of an ongoing interface problem that J. has. He's quiet, which at his height people take for aloofness and unfriendliness. And he has non-standard facial expressions, such that his "I'm carefully considering what you say" looks just like "I am enraged and will shortly attack". His "please, tell me more" tends to look like extreme boredom. What looks like "I heartily agree" is just "I'm aware that you are speaking English." (As you may be able to tell, I have made careful study of his expressions and can provide a key to anyone interested.) The result is that most people think he actively doesn't like them, when the truth is that he is generally predisposed to like everyone (much moreso than I am--oh, the irony!).
An amusing outcome is that he's like an Insecurity Detector, because people interpret his reaction based on what they fear he's thinking. So, guys who think I'm hot think he's incredibly jealous. People who are nervous about talking too much think that he thinks they are obnoxiously chatty. Low self-esteem folk tend to apologize to me for bothering him. Of course, all of them tell these things to me because he is, much to his chagrin, intimidating, and I'm left going "No, no, really--he doesn't dislike you, he's just funny that way. Give him a chance."
One solution--a bit sad, but at least there is one--is to get him drunk. He's extremely outgoing, chatty and affectionate when he's tipsy--more than once he has talked someone's ear off at a party, believe it or not. Alcohol lowers his inhibitions and his latency verbal response and lets him out of his head--for which reasons it is his drug of choice. Or just get to know him--go ahead and talk at him, he likes that a lot and he really is listening. After a few episodes of that, he tends to get more comfortable and begin working his words in edgewise. And he's a really fun and interesting guy.
