Dealbreakers

[lillibet]

I love advice columns. Perhaps because I love to give advice myself, or for the rubbernecking opportunities, but I spend a few minutes over my lunch most days reading what Margo, Meredith, Miss Manners and yes, even the ersazt Prudence have to say. From their columns I occasionally follow other links with Cosmo-like titles like "3 Women Not to Date" or "What Your Man Really Wants for Christmas". They're occasionally good for a giggle and give me a little clue about what the media has to say about relationships these days.

Today's entry is 5 Things Men Do You Didn't Know were Dealbreakers for Women and I have to admit that all of these things have bothered me in various relationships and how we've dealt with them, or failed to, have led to breakups.

The five they picked, in case you'd rather not follow the link, are:
1) Gaping - ogling other women in front of one's date
2) Commitment-Phobia, which they see indicated by failing to keep in touch and show up on time
3) Goofball - failing to recognize that silliness should be balanced by seriousness
4) Hygiene
5) Boredom

It made me curious: are these dealbreakers for you? I'm interested in hearing from both women and men. Is there a common one from your experience that didn't make the list? Is it the issue itself that's a problem, or the failure to deal with it after you've raised it? Or are you unlikely to raise issues like these?

Comments

[muffyjo]

2. Failing to keep in touch/show up on time. Mostly it indicates that they're not that into me.

4. Oh boy, yes.

5. Again with the either I'm not that into them, or they aren't that into me thing depending on how you interpret the question.

I'd add...in the poly world:
My take on #1 - talking exclusively about the woman you wish you were sleeping with but isn't there at the moment despite the fact that I'm sitting at the table with you having dinner. Hello? Live body here. Invest some attention to the person in front of you if you actually want to be dating. Otherwise I'll figure you're not that into me.

Also a knockout:
A monosylabic one sided conversation. I need to get better at open ended questions but really, throw me a bone. If I'm trying to ask you things about you and you don't feel like talking about it...try asking me questions about me? I want someone who is willing to at least meet me halfway.

[minkrose]

I'm totally with you on that last one, especially with friends. I decided to stop CONTACTING a friend of mine, just to see how long it would take him to notice. It took a year and a half. Every time I had called him, he didn't say much! I figured I'd stop bothering him. He thought I was angry, which was... interesting (and not particularly self-aware).