Asking

[lillibet]

This blog entry about The Art of the Ask has been making the rounds of my f-list in the past day or so. And it's interesting to me, because it's largely how I live my life and how I encourage people to interact with me.

Yesterday big_jewfro asked if he could ask me a favor and I responded "you can always ask". So he did and I was happy to oblige him and not just because he's cute. It's a rule: You Can Always Ask. It has an important corollary: I Can Always Say No. That's what makes it a favor. Want a ride? Ask me--if it's not inconvenient to me, I'll probably say yes. If it's not convenient, I'll say no. Don't worry, I'm good at it. Want a recipe or advice--oh, how I love to give advice--or to borrow something? Ask me.

There are a few people in my life who get to override this. They get to say "I need you to do this for me." At which point it's not a favor, it's an imperative. They get that right because they extend it in return--if I need something from them, I can say so and they will give it to me, even if it is inconvenient, because I need it. That's what "close friend and family" means to me.

Asking has gotten me a long way. And saying yes when other people have asked has gotten me even further.

The biggest example of what asking has gotten me is Theatre@First. I wanted to do a show with my husband. So I asked if I could have space and I asked people to help and I asked other people to audition and I asked other people to come see it. And I asked other people to help me ask. And you know what? It turns out that those were things that many, many (we just did a count and it's over 300 participants in six years and no-way-to-tell audience members) people were happy to give. Did they get anything in return? Well, I hope so. But I got it because I asked.

So, yeah, the asking thing is really working for me. If you ever want something that's in my power to give, then I encourage you to ask. It's true that I might say no--I reserve that right and I won't even feel guilty about it most of the time--but I might very well say yes. And you can always ask.

Comments

[anotherjen.livejournal.com]

Just curious.. did you spell bigjewfro correctly? I was going to go look at his userinfo because I'm nosy, but LJ says that username isn't currently registered.

....never mind.. it just occurred to me to look at your userinfo!

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

Edited now--I was missing a dash.

[heliopsis.livejournal.com]

Asking is something I've been working on for years. It's not easy for me. My strategy used to be to hang around and be helpful and hope that eventually someone would notice that there was something I had expressed some interest in and they would intuit that I wanted it and they would offer it to me in a fit of generosity. I don't recommend this strategy, as it mostly never works. I used to resent my sister because she would just ask for things I had wanted for years, and she got them. Then I realized that I could learn something from her.

I appreciate the fact that I can always ask you, and I have, from time to time. It is mutual: you can always ask me.

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

Thanks! As you've no doubt noticed, I do :) I'm very glad it's mutual.

[dpolicar]

Yeah. "Ask." -- in the sense of request, rather than question -- is really hard for me, as I'm sure you know. It's one of the low-hanging fruits, along with "Make a list." and "Get some exercise." -- that is, it's something that I try to spend spoons on whenever I have spare spoons, because it almost always pays off in more spoons within a short window.

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

Indeed. And, as you've noticed, there are a lot of people very happy to help.

[schmoomom.livejournal.com]

I think it's the right way to live! I love that you are so open and honest about things, but really, if it's people you care about, it makes sense.

Harder here, with teh Irish mindset, but I do put it out there as much as I can, and I do get help when I need it, and give when it's needed. I like calling it the Art of Ask :-)