What's in a name

[lillibet]

Most of you know that I've used many different names over the years. I switched back to my full middle name, Elizabeth, after college and have stuck with that ever since. There are still people who call me other things and I never correct them--I understand that, especially for people who don't see me very often--it's hard to think of me by a name they never used.

But recently several people have started using nicknames for me again...and I find that I hate it. I'm really resenting that they don't call me by the name I choose. If they would ask, I do have a one-syllable nickname that I don't mind at all. But they don't. They just pick one of the common ones.

Even more odd, I find that I am loathe to say anything to them. This is not like me--as many of you can attest, I'm not one to suffer in silence. But it seems especially rejecting, somehow, to say "Please don't call me that."

I wonder which of these discomforts I will transcend.

Comments

[dpolicar]

I've considered calling you "Maggie" from time to time, just to watch you twitch. But thus far have resisted the temptation. I suspect I always will.

[kathrynt.livejournal.com]

When people call me Kathy, I tell them, "Actually, I prefer Kathryn." It's positive and friendly. If people don't get it on the first go, I either get progressively more clipped or else just file them away in the "rude asshole" category.

[lionsburg.livejournal.com]

Even more odd, I find that I am loathe to say anything to them....

Dear, you just have said something... :-)

You know you can simply say in a pleasant tone, "I'd really prefer to be called Elizabeth." I doubt any reasonable person will be offended.

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

Some of my relatives still call me Mary Sue, which I loathe unless it's satirical from a friend (such as when John Deal calls me that). I don't expect the relatives to adjust to Mare, but Mary should be as easy as not saying Sue. I don't know why they cant.

[scholargipsy.livejournal.com]

Could you please repost or delete this comment so it doesn't contain my last name? Thanks.

(And it's more affectionate than satirical. :)

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

I find that I sometimes have to stop and shift gears when addressing you, because we were originally introduced before you were using your full middle name. Usually it works without much grinding of mental gears, but there's always a slight lag. (I don't know if the name I remember is the nickname you're referring to, or if it's a name you really want to put behind you.)

I also suspect the lag exists because I have problems when you and bedfull_o_books are in the same room, which lately is pretty often. :)

[rmd.livejournal.com]

i'll have to remember to ask what your one-syllable preferred nickname is some time.

i'm in sort of the opposite situation.
i have this problem where people keep abbreviating my name to "reg", which i used to absolutely loathe, but which now i've settled down to a mere dislike of and most of the time i can just let it slide (particularly when dealing with people i don't deal with a lot). my preferred shortening of my name is "re". but it's kind of annoying to have to explain it to people. so these days i just let it slide most of the time unless i'll be running into it a lot from someone.

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

It's "E." That's what my family tend to call me.

I like "Re"--it's what one of my favorite aunts is called.

[miss-chance.livejournal.com]

Oh, good.

I usually call you Elizabeth but lately I've taken to calling you E from time to time and was hoping that was ok. (Although today, talking to steve, I called you 'uh, uh, uh, you know, uh, her, who I've known for 20 years, and uh, see frequently... uh... ELIZABETH, right!'... I have similar pet names for J. and Φ, too.

[whitebird.livejournal.com]

So a conversation with you could possibly consist entirely of, "E, I ... E, I ... Oh!"

;)

[muffyjo]

I think I get very lucky because I either remember Elizabeth or look directly at you and say "my dear friend" because my mind has gone blank altogether. Although, on occasion, I think of you as your livejournal name.

[candle-light.livejournal.com]

We try to call you by your preferred name. I must admit it is hard though sometimes, since we knew you by a shorter name first for many years.

I personally would rather be told by someone that I'm using the wrong name. But I'm funny like that. :-)

[hotpoint.livejournal.com]

I like kathrynt's suggested method -- a gentle reminder that doesn't directly accuse the speaker of offending you, while letting them know so that they do not continue to set your teeth on edge.

I changed What I Am Called when I was 11 and moving between states, so only my relatives had to adjust; I believe my parents helped smooth it over with them. My only other nickname has been my surname, which a) was my online ID in undergrad, and b) didn't have a social name-space collision the way my first name did.

I agree that it's difficult to think of someone by a name you've never used with them, and I've occasionally found myself in a situation where I'm talking with someone about a mutual friend and we have different names for that friend. It's interesting performing a translation of a name every time as I speak it.

[whitebird.livejournal.com]

I occasionally have to tell people that I prefer not to be reffered to as a bog. Most actually get it.